I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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