I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
