he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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