dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
