My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
