someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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