i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
