i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
