Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
