My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
