Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she told me i tasted like america
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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