tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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