i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
