All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
