I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
