Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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