Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think im going to throw up on grandma
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
