I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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