i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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