So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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