Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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