If i come over, it means nothing
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
