Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize