So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
