the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
