I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
