I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
