is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
