So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
