Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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