Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
