roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
