put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
