No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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