i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
