You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
