I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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