You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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