just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
