My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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