He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
