cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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