are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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