Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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