one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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