Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a search helicopter?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
