Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
