I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
