U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
