just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
