Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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