im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
