it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
