I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
