Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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