I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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