Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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