Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
