i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
