please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
