STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
