so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I touched a dick in church today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
