lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
