You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
