I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
