Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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